you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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