you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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