I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
