Kareoke will never be a sober sport
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
