I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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