I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
