Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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