thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
