I can tuck mytits in my pants
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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