I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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