it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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