Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
