New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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