I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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