She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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