You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
