I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I will pee on everything he values.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
