he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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