You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We are all done wearing pants today
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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