I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
