i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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