walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
