I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
