you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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