i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
