Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
