Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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