You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
