I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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