Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
