about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
