did you get engaged???
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
