I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
