A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
