I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
