don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
