Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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