kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
