At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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