shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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