matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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