mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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