Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
