Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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