I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
