i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
