nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
