i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
pray to the hookup gods
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
