Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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