I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
