Non-Jews are for practice
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
