If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
