Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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