Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
