That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
