'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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