got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
