Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
