I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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