I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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