i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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