I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
