Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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