I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
