A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
